People Are Funny
on 11.26.06, 05:58am in life • comments (17)
Can someone please explain to me why a complete and total stranger would just walk up to your baby and try to touch them? I noticed this phenomenon occasionally with Tyler (who now is almost three), but for some reason it seems even more common with Ryan as he just turned four months old.
Just the other day, Liz and I were sitting in Starbucks with Ryan and this crazy lady came flying over to our table like a bird swooping in for a fish and started to coo over how cute Ryan was. And as usual, before we knew what was happening, she was touching his hand and face (who knows where those paws have been?).
While my initial instinct was to pepper spray her, but we were saved by the barista announcing that the crazy lady’s double-tall, non-fat, no-foam, extra-hot with-slight-room soy-sludge was finally ready. I still have no idea what possess people to walk up to a complete stranger and do that. It’s bizarre.
G. Nerosity (November 26, 2006 @ 7:23 am)
“It’s bizarre.”
Or, is it? What’s bizarre according to me is that we are living in a world where people have become complete foreigners and just what could be seen as an act of kindness is considered as weird. What’s wrong with what she did?
Steve (November 26, 2006 @ 7:44 am)
Perhaps I don’t want a complete strangers germs all over my newborn. There’s nothing wrong with that.
anynomous (November 26, 2006 @ 7:52 am)
This same phenom happens to people that have dogs; people like small things. People think if it sits in a stroller or is attached to a leash, that gives them carte blanche to go and touch it.
Of course, if it was a 20 year-old Jessica Alba-looking girl coming over to touch it; I am not sure you would be complaining (ok, while Liz is there of course you’ll “complain” - yes, those are air quotes).
Bob (November 26, 2006 @ 10:12 am)
Germs are good, if you live in a world where everything is always clean, watch out when you actually get exposed to germs, bacteria and viruses… I’m with G. Nerosity on this one. A good example is the following, if you’re walking on the street with a baby and a dog, people will usually stop to pat your dog and tell how cute he is, but they will completely ignore the baby… I find this quite sad.
gdkzen (November 26, 2006 @ 10:48 am)
I find that it is generally older people that do this. Most older people do not have the sense of privacy or hygiene that younger generations do. They also tend to think of small children as public property.
Little story - In the 50’s, a woman disciplines her child for attempting to leave her mother’s side and run into traffic. A passerby tells the mother that she doesn’t like the manner in which the mother disciplines the child (mind you, this is the 50’s). NONE OF HER BUSINESS, RIGHT?! But older generations don’t think to not inject themselves in someone else’s life.
I would have told the hag to get her hands off my kid and count herself lucky that I was keeping Social Security solvent for her impending retirement….
vern (November 26, 2006 @ 11:04 am)
I’m kinda with G Nerosity; we have reached a point where it’s almost considered rude to even speak to people you don’t know already.
Perhaps instead of running up and touching my child they could try, as I do with dogs (I would never with someone’s child - too creepy) ASK if it would be ok to touch the child’s hand or cheek…
But I agree with Bob that germs are a good thing. If we keep too many away from our children they’ll be susceptible to far too many things later in life.
Steve (November 26, 2006 @ 11:39 am)
I’d let Jessica Alba touch my kid
RichC (November 26, 2006 @ 1:28 pm)
Another vote for providing some germs… your baby needs that exposure to properly develop resistance to disease.
Also, babies are tactile learners. They like to touch things and even put them into their mouths. I’m sure you’ve noticed.
I’d make you crazy. Having been through 13 nephews and nieces and now approaching 20 great-nephews and nieces, I have little holding me back from coming over to coo your baby and probably even touch a toe or finger. Mind you, if I am specifically dirty or sick, I will avoid such, but otherwise, watch out :).
Steve (November 26, 2006 @ 1:35 pm)
Ryan’s older brother is in pre-school 2 days a week now. He brings home plenty of good germs and spreads them to the entire family.
gdkzen (November 26, 2006 @ 3:23 pm)
It seems that, on balance, people don’t find this as disturbing as I do. Fact: Touching a person without their approval is assault.
Keep your hands off of other people’s infants, they are not public play toys!
Randy (November 26, 2006 @ 7:58 pm)
I’m with Vern on this one: I feel uncomfortable petting someone’s dog at the local malls without getting a nod from the owner first… I don’t see how kids could or would be fair game?
If someone pokes at yer kids, maybe you should kick the side of the poker’s face in return.
Michael (November 26, 2006 @ 9:17 pm)
I’m with Steve on this one. I’m ok with someone walking up to my kids (when I’m present) and starting a friendly conversation with them or with me about them. My kids engage random strangers with ‘hi’ and other friendly greetings as we walk by.
But don’t touch them, offer them food, let your dog lick them, or any number of other things I’ve actually had happen while out with my kids. It’s inconsiderate not to ask the parents first (and in the case of the dog, dangerous. “He’s friendly, he doesn’t bite” is exactly what the owners of a German Shepherd told my wife before their dog left his dental impression in her thigh, so these people can just Fuck Off.) And while we’re at it, I could also really do without hearing about someone’s entire medical history in the grocery checkout line.
Just be glad Tyler and Ryan don’t have red hair like Benjamin and Anna. The other day I was at the mall with Ben, and a woman walked up and said her son has the same colored hair as Ben’s, and we proceeded to spend the next ten minutes commiserating with each other. “Doesn’t it just drive you crazy how everyone has to comment on it?” she asked. I replied, “Oh yeah, some days after an outing with the kids I just say to my wife ‘8′ and she totally knows I’m talking about the number of times a total stranger had to go on and on for minutes about how you can’t bottle this color and how gorgeous it is and who else in the family has it and so on.” She replied that her kid’s hair dresser actually saved a lock of his hair so she could color match (um, creepy). And then she said it seems to be an American phenomenon, because her mother is from Slovakia and there it’s considered extremely bad luck to have red hair. All her relatives continuously offer her their condolences (at which point her mother, who was with her and had been listening in, lifted her sleeve and spit into it for emphasis).
So yeah, basically people are nuts.
Jim (November 27, 2006 @ 7:52 am)
My youngest son has VERY blonde, longish, curley hair and it was always being touched by stangers. Living in San Antonio we learned that to not touch something beautiful like that was to not show respect to the creator. Still was a little creepy and he has just gotten used to it. (He is 13 now).
new here (November 27, 2006 @ 10:21 am)
I think we need to get real - assault. Perhaps as a parent you could simply say - please do not touch the child we do not want him being touched by strangers. Assault is a big word and a bit dramatic.
ken partridge (November 27, 2006 @ 1:53 pm)
My son has sensative skin, whenever people touch his face he gets a red mark. People can say how nice the kids are without touching them. Whenever someone says “whats wrong with that”, they obviously don’t have kids.
gdkzen (November 27, 2006 @ 3:12 pm)
Assault is the accurate legal term. I’m not advising parents to scream “Police!! Help!! Somebody’s assaulting my child!!”. I’m simply advising people that there is a line between appropriate and inappropriate behavior. In certain cases (especially when it comes to making physical contact with another human being), the line between appropriate and inappropriate is specified legally.
The concept can extend to an implicit personal right to privacy. Does a child (and by extension the child’s parent) not have the right to the most basic right of not being physically touched? Of course the child does! Do you have to be an adult to have this expectation?
If we were to be consistent in this behavior towards adults, then it would be entirely appropriate for adults to paw each other without consent. This is ridiculous - it’s a child - A SMALL PERSON - not a labrador retriever!!
Josh (November 29, 2006 @ 10:12 am)
It’s just all about personal space. Suppose I’m a 20-something year old (wow, I am… how about that). If I’m sitting in Starbucks and this lady thinks I’m just the cutest thing ever is she going to come up and start touching my hand and face? Probably not. And if she did, would we think that was normal/acceptable? Probably not. Even if that did happen and I didn’t want it to I could let her know that; your four month old cannot. That’s why it’s your call as a parent to not want people man-handling your child. You can use whatever reason you want to, be it germs, privacy or just plain not wanting people touching your children; the point is people shouldn’t assume it’s ok to do that. If they really feel the need they should ask first.